Weather - 10 millionbajillion, Adrienne - 1

Until about 24 hours ago my room was hee-ot. And I don't mean in that sexy kind of way. No, more in a 3 floor of an old row house, heat rising and trapping the breath in my sweaty lungs such that I feel as if at any moment I might pass out over the exertion just to stay alive kind of hot. Nordic people are not meant to be put into this kind of weather. My ancestors paddled near fjords and played in the Northern lights but we never, ever had to deal with 90 degrees and high humidity. In the cold I turn on, my body gets excited and braces against the adversity of the elements in readiness to accomplish all that it possibly can. In the heat, I wilt, melt, fall into a puddle of fleshy goo that can achieve no more than a quiet pant of, "Why is it so Fucking hot! Dear Lord of all that is Holy please just make me cooler!" and then whine unintelligibly for a while. As such I broke down yesterday and just bought an air conditioner. I felt weirdly like a traitor to nature, but it had to be done. Summer heat and me don't play nice.

But, there is one aspect of summer that winter rarely can compete with: the freak and total summer storm. Yes, those baby hurricanes that strike without much warning and consume the earth in a maelstrom of strange and bizarre weather related elements of wind, water and well... more water. The kind of freak occurrences that make you understand why early man invented gods of thunder and lightening. These storms are beautiful and I love them. I love their unpredictability, the way that they force everyone to stop whatever they happen to be doing and if only for a minute marvel out the window. They draw people together in close quarters, sometimes they even manage to knock out a power line or two. And two days ago, I conquered one.

I was walking home and had about a half an hour left on my journey from the center city area to my abode in South Philly. The sky had been flickering with summer lightning increasingly frequently all evening and I enjoyed the periodic flashes of light as I made my way across the city. Slowly, as I walked, I noticed the sky start to turn from the normal purple that one sees as the sun begins to set to a more green/gray color. The kind they talk about when tornados come. Which is not to say that I walked through a tornado. But, about 10 minutes after setting out the lightening flashes and the thunder that follows them began to come upon each other closer and closer together. The good little 8th grade science nerd in me remembered this was a sign of lightening nearing the area to which I was at present occupying. I walked quicker hoping to miss whatever rain might be coming my way when -SMACK- I felt a sound. And I didn't write that wrong. From the shaking ground I felt the vibrations of a deep cracking basso profundo lighting bolt. It left that vaguely electric smell in the air.

Immediately following, I felt a drip. And then a drop, a second, and a third. After the third drop the water ceased to come down in anything but sheet form. I quite literally went from completely dry to soaked to the very innermost layer of my being in under a minute and a half. I started to scream and run in classic totally useless fashion, as running would somehow unwet what was already clearly beyond simple drying repair. The water came not only from above in the torrents one only sees in movies but like some mad adventure park ride periodically shot me from the sides and somehow, though I still can't figure out how, from below. In my mad rush to hurry along I jumped and waded my way through suddenly materialized whirlpools of water in the streets, ankle and calf deep. I lost a flip flop at least three separate times along the way.Mr. Za za zoo has a rather hilarious message to the effect of, "Umm hey, it's Adrienne - AHH! - that was an awning - AHH! - can you, woah!, umm... AHH! are you there? If you - AH! get this could you - AHHH! maybe come pick me up. It's wet and... never mind..."

And about 10 minutes from home I was rushing my way through the downpour when some guy called to me from his house, "Hey! Lady! Are you ok?! Do you need to stop?" So I did. I just stopped. And I looked back at the guy, and then down and my sopping clothes, and then up at the rain, which didn't last too long because it fell in my eye and almost made me lose a contact. And finally I yelled back at the guy, "Thanks but no thanks! I'm just out for a walk." Which after that, I decided I was. I sauntered the rest of the way. And I enjoyed my water infested journey. I witnessed the worst of the storm right smack in the middle of it and came out the other side smiling.

When I got home I changed into drier things and put on the fan and I sat and read a book as the storm trailed away into nothingness. And I realized for the first time all week that someone had heard my pleas. Though maybe not answered in the way I might have expected, I got exactly what I had asked for. I had faced the weather and won, and now I was reaping my victory prize.

I was cool.